A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender looks shocked. "Bluebeard! Not seen you for ages. You look like you've been in the wars. That wooden leg is new."
"I'm fine. Me leg blown off by a cannon ball, but I'm OK now."
"The hook. What happened to your hand?"
"Lost it in a sword fight, but I'm fine now."
"The eye patch. What happened to your eye?"
"I looked up and a seagull crapped in my eye."
"And you lost your eye because of that? That's harsh."
"No. It was my first day with a hook."